Office Space
It is a physical impossibility for me to survive in the "corporate" world for any sustained period of time.
I've tried, I really have...
No matter how many team meetings we have, where management litterally brainwashes us into believing that we are all part of this fantastic "team".. and that we are blessed to be working with such an AMAZING group of people... I can't fathom that anyone is actually believing this crap. But those who play along, get rewarded.. its pretty funny like that.
The best part is, no one believes anything anyone says. The managers spout useless drivel about how great we are all doing etc.. etc.. and how they love having us work there.. when 10 minutes later they are yapping to their fellow peers about how they can't wait to leave - after work plans etc.. Its all just another game.
Managers tell lies to sub-managers, sub-managers pass that same fraudulent enthusiasm down to the common worker in a poorly constructed attmept to create an atmosphere of a "fun place to work".
Its work - I understand that. No one - especially anyone working at a bank - likes their job. When I say like, I mean, prefers to do it compared to anything else. Sure you can "like" your job - ie, compared to another job, but you still have to get up when you don't want to, shower when you don't want to and talk to people you would rather kill.
Obviously it is in the owners best interest to have its employees happy and productive, but they are seriously underestimating my intelligence. Yes, this random group of 200 people that happened to apply when you were hiring is the best possible group of people. Of course they are. Even the 21 year old high school drop out with a kid that neglected to tell you that during the interview? Or the drug dealing former strip club bouncer? Yes, a fine - talented group of people you have sifted through that golden filter. Its fine - people lie on resumes, interviews.. and the job itself isn't exactly an intellectual challenge, but don't kid yourself.. its just 200 completely random people.
The day-to-day office life is what kills me the most. Everyday you see these people, all taking a break from what they would prefer to be doing - all the while putting on the front that do infact like their job - well as long as the managers are paying attention. Such a strange group too, ages range from 20-60 all doing the same job. Like I said it doesn't take much to do this job, just act professional I guess and you satisfy managments underachieving goals so they make their department look good.
But then there is the part where you are actually talking to people - obviously my favorite pasttime...
I can get by dealing with these idiots by clammering off the standard office chat.. stick to talking about obvious, unintellectual current events (tom cruise, london bombings / terrorism, and hockey strike are your bread and butter right now). Always refer to the weekend and/or the end of the day in every possible sentance.
"Can't wait for this day to be over!"
"Really? Me too! Lets talk about the day being over together!"
"Yes, working sucks, I can't wait for the weekend"
"No kidding, I cannot wait untill the weekend either"
"High five, can we talk about this everyday?"
And so on. Its easy, and mind numbing enough that you can actually stand it, like a sedative.
Just don't try and talk about something you actually care about, it will lead no where and everyone will think you are insane. Just blend in, nod, smile, say hi and talk generic monkey talk. People will start to love you - the guy that always has something to talk about and is so friendly. Everyone will collectively want to bone you, and you will be able to do no wrong, just for spouting useless info that is totally unnecessary.
I guess its just me though. Maybe I'm the minority. I'm just not an outgoing / talk about every useless thing type of guy. Some people are, maybe they fit in here, maybe they are the majority and this lifestyle is efficient.
But it is safe to say that office work is about the last thing I'll be doing in a year from now... or ever again.
I've tried, I really have...
No matter how many team meetings we have, where management litterally brainwashes us into believing that we are all part of this fantastic "team".. and that we are blessed to be working with such an AMAZING group of people... I can't fathom that anyone is actually believing this crap. But those who play along, get rewarded.. its pretty funny like that.
The best part is, no one believes anything anyone says. The managers spout useless drivel about how great we are all doing etc.. etc.. and how they love having us work there.. when 10 minutes later they are yapping to their fellow peers about how they can't wait to leave - after work plans etc.. Its all just another game.
Managers tell lies to sub-managers, sub-managers pass that same fraudulent enthusiasm down to the common worker in a poorly constructed attmept to create an atmosphere of a "fun place to work".
Its work - I understand that. No one - especially anyone working at a bank - likes their job. When I say like, I mean, prefers to do it compared to anything else. Sure you can "like" your job - ie, compared to another job, but you still have to get up when you don't want to, shower when you don't want to and talk to people you would rather kill.
Obviously it is in the owners best interest to have its employees happy and productive, but they are seriously underestimating my intelligence. Yes, this random group of 200 people that happened to apply when you were hiring is the best possible group of people. Of course they are. Even the 21 year old high school drop out with a kid that neglected to tell you that during the interview? Or the drug dealing former strip club bouncer? Yes, a fine - talented group of people you have sifted through that golden filter. Its fine - people lie on resumes, interviews.. and the job itself isn't exactly an intellectual challenge, but don't kid yourself.. its just 200 completely random people.
The day-to-day office life is what kills me the most. Everyday you see these people, all taking a break from what they would prefer to be doing - all the while putting on the front that do infact like their job - well as long as the managers are paying attention. Such a strange group too, ages range from 20-60 all doing the same job. Like I said it doesn't take much to do this job, just act professional I guess and you satisfy managments underachieving goals so they make their department look good.
But then there is the part where you are actually talking to people - obviously my favorite pasttime...
I can get by dealing with these idiots by clammering off the standard office chat.. stick to talking about obvious, unintellectual current events (tom cruise, london bombings / terrorism, and hockey strike are your bread and butter right now). Always refer to the weekend and/or the end of the day in every possible sentance.
"Can't wait for this day to be over!"
"Really? Me too! Lets talk about the day being over together!"
"Yes, working sucks, I can't wait for the weekend"
"No kidding, I cannot wait untill the weekend either"
"High five, can we talk about this everyday?"
And so on. Its easy, and mind numbing enough that you can actually stand it, like a sedative.
Just don't try and talk about something you actually care about, it will lead no where and everyone will think you are insane. Just blend in, nod, smile, say hi and talk generic monkey talk. People will start to love you - the guy that always has something to talk about and is so friendly. Everyone will collectively want to bone you, and you will be able to do no wrong, just for spouting useless info that is totally unnecessary.
I guess its just me though. Maybe I'm the minority. I'm just not an outgoing / talk about every useless thing type of guy. Some people are, maybe they fit in here, maybe they are the majority and this lifestyle is efficient.
But it is safe to say that office work is about the last thing I'll be doing in a year from now... or ever again.
posted by RikkiDee at 3:41 PM
1 Comments:
PTOP!
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