Immaturity

I know - a post. Amazing right?

Well, since so much of my writing/thought time has been taken up by my poker life, I have pretty much abandoned any creative thought for other areas.

And since no one reads this blog, I figure I can use it for any piece of trash that I think of.

So here it is. The stupidest thing you will ever read on the internet.

Actually just so you have an understanding of how stupid the stupidest thing on the internet is, I'll give you some perspective.

Back in the early days of the internet, when the only search engine was yahoo and hotmail didn't even exist, my friends and I decided to create personal webpages at geocities, a free webpage provider. I made one about entertainment and my friend made one about video games, we were just having fun. However, once my second friend (I only have 2) saw our pages, he wanted one too. So instead of making a page that made any sense, we made, "Joe's Poo Page". Basically this webpage consisted of one animated picture of a cartoon dog taking a shit, followed by a few horrible rhymes about poo. It took us 14 minutes to create, and up to this post, had been the undisputed reigning champion of bad webpages for years.

Unfortunately Joe’s Poo Page is no longer in existence to show you how truly bad it was. However, despite it’s shittyness (get it?!), it managed somehow to get over 1 million hits. We still don’t get it.

So now you understand how bad and juvenile this post is going to be.

As everyone knows, I spend about 23 hours/day too much on the internet, and therefore end up finding a lot of useless shit to waste my time with. I stumble across this website late last night. It’s a pretty simple concept. You draw a picture and then send it off. Then you receive someone else’s picture that they drew. That’s it. But for some reason its fun. So absent of any actual artistic talent I decided to do what any 25 year old man would do – draw stick figures of myself. But it didn’t end there. I needed more than just me. So after some thought, I came up with this:

Picture 1

Ok, so at this point, you are either laughing or mad that you’ve wasted this much time. I have to warn you it’s only going to get worse. So if it’s funny keep reading, if not, go to MSN.com and read about how to shop for your girlfriend for valentines/birthday/Christmas.

Now to me, this was probably one of the funniest things I had ever created. I seriously stared at it for about 10 minutes laughing. I’m still laughing looking at it now. Since I created something that made me laugh so, I sent it off for someone else to enjoy and decided to draw another one. I can only imagine how upset someone would be when they received that utterly embarrassing picture of them. So how could I improve on the last picture?

Picture 2

A natural progression. By the way that is spit, not puke. Don’t be disgusting. The laughter continued, and the hilarity was amplified in proportion to the recipient’s level of pain. So clearly, this was only getting funnier, and another picture was brewing in my mind.

Picture 3

Again, a natural progression. Then I thought, how can this be topped, I’m out of bodily fluids. Then it hit me…

Picture 4

Don’t worry, I’m not gay. It’s just my way of saying that you are gay. And I was probably aroused by your mom, not you. Speaking of your mom…

Picture 5

Probabbly my best work to date. Note the strength of my ability to draw arms, despite your mom lacking them. And then there is you, poor defenseless you. But I felt that I had to go a different direction with these drawings or I may run this joke into the ground. So I glanced over to my side and remembered that I write about poker 99.5% of the time. And it was born…

Picture 6

If you don’t know poker, having 27 is the worst hand possible. Imagine being equated to the worst hand possible. The pain is truly unimaginable. But the laughter doesn’t stop. I continued down this abstract path with…

Picture 7

And finished with…

Picture 8

That’s a Mercedes emblem you assfag. If you didn’t know that then you are the “you” that I’m referring to in these artistic depictions. Yea, that’s right I said it.

So that’s basically how I spend my nights, although usually they aren’t that funny.

I told you this would be dumb, don’t look at me that way.

Back in business

Well, I've returned from Europe.

Gotta say it was an interesting trip to say the least. Had a good time no doubt and glad I went but I ended up cutting the trip short due to many reasons.

I'll probabbly post about it in detail later on when I get settled and have time to reflect, in the mean time, I've started another blog (that will never get updated) called Dees Nutz. It's a "poker blog", in that I talk exclusively about poker and my game. Probabbly not overly exciting to most people but it's simply a good way to track your individual progress.

And after an inexplicable amount of comments from spammers, I have some cleanup to do. I think I have that problem solved though, wonder why they bother spamming on blogs, it's not like blogger sites are known as high traffic sites, oh well.

Online Poker Blog Tourney

Since I've been in Europe I havn't had much time to post or even think of posting. I'm sure my legions (2) of fans will be so dissapointed. Anyways I've signed up for a blogger poker tourney and need to put this in my blog or else! So enjoy.

I have registered to play in the
Online Poker Blogger Championship!

This event is powered by PokerStars.

Registration code: 6353063

State of the Union

As I approach probably the most meaningful crossroad in my life, I feel the need to detail the state of my life today, in order to sort out where I’ve been, and where I am going.

At 24, I’ve just graduated from University with a magnificent 3 year degree in Economics. Only took me 5 years to obtain it and without honors to boot. My education up to this point in my life has been one disappointment after another. Not a disappointment to myself, since I know my ridiculously unmotivated ways, but to my friends and family who feel that I should have no troubles getting through school. I feel bad for disappointing them but I will never reach the potential that I obviously can achieve – as school is just too long term for my short-sighted monkey brain to comprehend. Either way, I’m pretty happy that I found economics, and despite underachieving the whole way, I did learn a lot. I feel that it truly refined my thought process about almost everything in life. Despite the inherent uselessness of a 3 year social science degree as far as finding a job related to your “field” goes, I’m happy that this useless degree has at least shaped my thought process to be much more critical, analytical and rational and no matter what, will always effect every decision I make.

I am the typical bright eyed, bushy tailed, overly optimistic 20 something university grad that is ready to take on the world. I have a lot of ambitions and desires that I hope to achieve – which is strange because I’ve never been much of a goal setter. My education has opened my eyes to the evil that is government and ultimately I hope to change some peoples notions about why large government is extraordinarily inefficient for any society hoping to progress. A bleeding heart liberal I am not, which is the opposite of most young educated people. I am most definitely the minority in even the circle of friends that I converse with, but I truly feel that I am correct in my conservative notions – they are simply unaware of the truths. But I digress as those ambitions must be put on the back burner for my current ones. I’m going to have to figure out a way to get to retirement, a difficult challenge for my anti-work lifestyle.

After working as a corporate whore for just the last 5 months collecting on overdue credit products for a bank, I’ve regained a new found hatred for employment and the human race simultaneously. I’ve always despised work of any description. Basically anything that I’m forced to do; I have a strong objection to. So no matter how good a job is, I’m going to hate it. I used to have a job where I was paid 8 hours a day and had the freedom to do whatever I wanted throughout that 8 hours (literally, they even gave me my own car that I could ride around in all day, wherever I wanted) except I had to clock in and out at the start and end of the days. Despite the ridiculous amount of freedom I had, I loathed showing my face at the office even for 5 minutes. I hated getting up when they wanted me there and being forced into returning to the office at the end of the day. Essentially if I am wasting my time for someone else that I don’t care about, then I hate that activity – whatever it is.

The hatred for the human race has grown strong. As I detailed in my office space article, its clear I am not a fan of the oh-so-hilarious inter-office quirks that are parodied on so many a movie and TV show. But by experiencing first hand the shear helplessness of humans, my hatred has developed into an entirely different level – one that I assume most people have never fathomed. By working in a collections area for the past 4-5 years, I have dealt with the pinnacle of uselessness on a daily basis. The customers who are past due, almost without fail, seem to come up with an excuse that makes their delinquent status someone else’s fault. And they believe it wholeheartedly. Nothing in life is ever your fault – believe it. I won’t get into the disgusting details, but just embrace the fact that even if you fuck up in life, you will find an outlet that will relieve you of your faults – especially in Canada – home of the faultless.

So what are my options?

Well, like anyone with half a brain and even less ambition – I desire to work for myself. I’ve learned to live on table scraps for the past few years living away from home, and I’m not concerned at all with “impressing” anyone with how much money I make. If I need to scrape by for a few years to achieve my long term goal of self-sufficient happiness, I will. If I have the option to work for myself and make less than a ridiculous 9-5 job for a fixed income, I’ll take it in a heartbeat. The problem is I’m not sure if I’ll have that option. Everyone I know talks the talk, but when it comes down to it, I imagine that many will take the safe route and take a job for the man for the next 30 years. Problem is, I’m not overly skilled in any trade or skill. Unless anyone wants to learn how to surf the internet, play mediocre guitar and play online poker simultaneously for maximum utility. I feel my strong understanding of economics, and human behavior coupled with my inherent money management skills as well as being extremely self-aware and rational are an excellent framework for any aspiring business owner. But it’s just the idea that I need. Hopefully it presents itself in a neatly packaged box. If not, I may have to consider suicide.

Things that make me happy:

Poker – all forms.

I have developed a sincere obsession with this game. However, it is not as detrimental as one would think. Whenever I discuss this with anyone they immediately label me as a degenerate gambler, but when I detail my winnings with them and show how I rationally approach the game, they invariably change their tune. While I don’t think it should be a long term “career” goal, I do think I will play for many years to come making an excellent supplementary income. I have more fun doing this than anything else in my life right now.

Spending time with friends.

For all the hatred I have for humans, I have truly formed some great relationships with my friends and am extremely grateful for having gotten to know them. 2nd to poker, just sitting around talking to my friends, perhaps drinking is more enjoyable that I could have ever imagined. The best part is, my friends are an extremely diverse group, coming from a lot of different income and education groups. They each have a very unique outlook on life and I enjoy the ridiculous banter that occurs when we are together. I hope that these last throughout my lifetime.

Playing Guitar

At least everyday I crank up the amp and play some terrible guitar. I know I’ll never be a famous musician – I simply don’t have the talent or discipline for it, but I do enjoy a loud rocking session. Hopefully this continues throughout my life as when the mood hits me, music makes my boner throb.

And that’s it.

Everything else is just vanilla flavored - And I don’t see any obvious places where I can improve my lifestyle. I am content – at equilibrium – with my life at the moment, other than that whole work thing.

So in two weeks, I’m off to Europe for an extended trip to which I don’t know when I’ll be returning from – most likely within a year depending on how long our cash flow lasts. When I return it will most likely to start my grown up life – after having gotten any and all boyhood dreams worked out of my system (including probabbly my dream of self-employment). I’ll never grow up, but I may have to act like it someday.

There is no such thing as a good lunch

Being the proud man I am, I’ve never learned to make a lunch for myself. In fact my Father used to brown bag my lunches for me until I was about 21.

This dependency has led me down the life long path of buying my lunch every day instead of making it like a reasonable person would. For some reason, I can’t make a sandwich myself. Every time I do it ends up wet somehow.

Anyways, that long winded intro leads us to today’s dilemma.

So I felt moderately hungry today at lunch, but not hungry enough to eat my regular Wednesday lunch special of chicken fingers, so I decided to wander down to this higher priced deli that I’ve seen and avoided on purpose.
I see a sign.

It says – “BBQ Beef Sandwich $5.95”

Sounds good right?

But wait, what if it is, you know, weird…

This deli looked like the type of place that would put onions and other vile weeds into a perfectly good beef and bread sandwich. So I asked; “What’s the BBQ Beef Sandwich all about?”

The girl behind the counter was taken back by my question. Maybe she wanted to do me, who knows, most women do. She nervously replied; “… it’s a BBQ beef sandwich… it comes in this pot here”. Then proceeded to kind of stir the beef in an attempt to be cute but ultimately ended up making everyone feel uncomfortable since her boss was watching.

While that answer didn’t exactly satisfy my inquiry, I wasn’t in the mood for this strange situation anymore and just wanted sandwich. At this point I assumed that it was just roast beef stewing in a nice juicy hot broth ready to be placed on my bun. So I order one, and after about 5 minutes of fiddling around with the bun, she reaches down into the beef pit and pulls out the slimiest, most rancid pile of puke I’ve ever seen and puts it on my bun.

I’m surprised they have the gall to advertise it as a “BBQ Beef Sandwich” when it is clearly a pile of shit and vegetables with some beef filler. At this point I was to consumed with keeping the vomit from entering my mouth that I couldn’t object to the now made sandwich.

I politely took the piece of ass hole and paid my 6 bucks for it, declining the drink the server offered me as an up-sale – knowing full well I wouldn’t need any liquid to wash this doomed sandwich down.

5 steps away from the deli it found its way to a trash can, and I’m still hungry.

And I can actually still smell it on me, its like I dipped my hand in the bog of eternal stench and can’t shake it off.

I guess I’d rather a wet sandwich made by yours truly than the literal piece of trash they served up to me today.

And yes I just wasted 5 minutes of your time telling you about a bad sandwich I had. I hope you are at least as bored as I was when I wrote this.

Risk Aversion - I Don't recommend it

I'm probabbly the most risk averse person I know.

I can't stand getting in trouble for anything, no matter how insignificant.

I call this behaviour risk aversion, yet many would call me a pussy... I concur. Its not that I'm completely spineless - I stick up for myself when something important is at stake - but if I have to defend something I did that I don't really care about in the first place, I'll cave, and usually won't get involved in the first place to avoid the confrontation altogether.

Confrontation for meaningless items is just that, meaningless.

Small example. I'm at work right now and just went out of my way to find a recycle bin for a pop can I just finished off. Now I could give a shit for recycling, but I just can't stand someone watching me throw the can in the regular garbage and possibly giving me that look. So I waste an extra 5 minutes running around the office trying to find the retarded recycling bin to avoid the possibility of someone (that I could care less about) giving me a look.

Yes, completely irrational behaviour, I agree. But what can I say, I do shit like this every day.

Its a strange contrast to my core belief in life - everyone is unimportant except me. That belief I know to be true in theory, that in the long run, nothing matters except what I do for myself. But the reality of the matter is that people do effect me, a great deal, which bothers my rational smart uninhibited side to no end.

So I deal with this battle - in my mind - everyday.

People don't exist - only I do - yet I can't upset them for fear of dirty looks...

I'm an idiot

A new love for the acronym BJ

So I've evolved into a degenerate gambler over the past week.. who'd have seen that coming?

I always thought myself to be pretty straight edged, never really being overly interested in casinos, always considering the odds against me. Even when at an actual casino I usually skim over the games, playing the odd video poker game.

But with the recent poker addiction, I've been reading a lot about different sites about it, and have noticed there is alot of bonus money out "there" (there being that magical fantasy world of the internet) up for grabs... bonus money to entice you to sign up for their crappy casinos.

Now while playing an online casino is in the top 5 most pathetic things a human can waste their time doing.. the bonus' started to entice me. And after reading this article it started to become real clear - I need to get involved and involved fast.

Since the startup costs for an online casino are nil and the profits are historically high, enterprising arubians and other offshore countries have been trying to snag some of that rich ignorant american dollar by starting up online casinos. They offer bonus' to join to give incentive to join their own casino - since there are so many - and they don't have much difference between them they have to give that extra to get anyone to come. They are designed to give customers a short run bonus to start off with and as they piss away their walmart pay cheques on a video slot machines, the casinos make more than enough back over time.

But to a smart player, you can get these bonus' to work for you. Long story short, you play blackjack (which is statistically about a coinflip if you play properly) and play for a bit then cashout with the bonus and you are done with it. Sounded pretty foolproof to me, so I signed up and started to play.

So I played this weekend, about 6-7 hours in total and ended up cashing out with a profit of about $280 - which is pretty sweet. The best part is it is 99.99% risk free.. since the bonus they give you acts as insurance that if you start running bad. So I plan on hitting up as many of these casino bonus' untill they run dry.

Its a pretty boring process, although fun at times when you go on runs, but over all I figure its worth it - as I need the cash for my upcoming trip to Europe. I've also developed a liking for the game of blackjack. I used to think of it as a pretty mindless game - and it is - but it has its moments. Like hitting on 16 with the dealer showing a ten card and getting your 5... or doubling up after splitting when the dealer has a 6.. its pretty sweet. Not "pocket aces" sweet, but its at least stimulating. Sometimes after running bad you question the legality of the site.. "wtf dealer has hit running cards to make 21 to beat my 20 5 times in a row.. this is rigged.." but then you realize that you are playing $1 a hand and that its so not worth it for a casino that probabbly makes millions an hour to rip you off for a dollar... and they have a vested interest in giving you a fair chance since it is so easy to switch casinos.

Additionally I'm going to try to start whoring up some bonus' for poker sites. Same deal as casino sites, you just have to play a certain amount of hands before you can cash out. As long as you play solidly and turn a profit - even a small one over time, the bonus adds a nice padding to your overall bankroll. Eventually I plan on playing multiple tables at once in order to make the hand minimum as soon as possible to move onto the next bonus. Fun times ahead for me.

Only problem is you basically have to play fixed limit poker, which is just worse than dog crap. No creativity - no "moves", no bluffing no nothing. Its essentially playing multiplayer blackjack where you play against each other or something... it truly is a terrible form of poker, but it is the safest. No huge swings that no limit can bring.. especially when multi-tabling. So I'm going to try to fire up a 2nd monitor to get the maximum amount going here.. ya I'm that cool.

So the goal is to profit $1000 / month at the momment, which I am told is pretty reasonable. Nothing spectacular - but its a nice hobby in my "spare" time, which will hopefully translate to a part time job when I'm in Europe.

Office Space

It is a physical impossibility for me to survive in the "corporate" world for any sustained period of time.

I've tried, I really have...

No matter how many team meetings we have, where management litterally brainwashes us into believing that we are all part of this fantastic "team".. and that we are blessed to be working with such an AMAZING group of people... I can't fathom that anyone is actually believing this crap. But those who play along, get rewarded.. its pretty funny like that.

The best part is, no one believes anything anyone says. The managers spout useless drivel about how great we are all doing etc.. etc.. and how they love having us work there.. when 10 minutes later they are yapping to their fellow peers about how they can't wait to leave - after work plans etc.. Its all just another game.

Managers tell lies to sub-managers, sub-managers pass that same fraudulent enthusiasm down to the common worker in a poorly constructed attmept to create an atmosphere of a "fun place to work".

Its work - I understand that. No one - especially anyone working at a bank - likes their job. When I say like, I mean, prefers to do it compared to anything else. Sure you can "like" your job - ie, compared to another job, but you still have to get up when you don't want to, shower when you don't want to and talk to people you would rather kill.

Obviously it is in the owners best interest to have its employees happy and productive, but they are seriously underestimating my intelligence. Yes, this random group of 200 people that happened to apply when you were hiring is the best possible group of people. Of course they are. Even the 21 year old high school drop out with a kid that neglected to tell you that during the interview? Or the drug dealing former strip club bouncer? Yes, a fine - talented group of people you have sifted through that golden filter. Its fine - people lie on resumes, interviews.. and the job itself isn't exactly an intellectual challenge, but don't kid yourself.. its just 200 completely random people.

The day-to-day office life is what kills me the most. Everyday you see these people, all taking a break from what they would prefer to be doing - all the while putting on the front that do infact like their job - well as long as the managers are paying attention. Such a strange group too, ages range from 20-60 all doing the same job. Like I said it doesn't take much to do this job, just act professional I guess and you satisfy managments underachieving goals so they make their department look good.

But then there is the part where you are actually talking to people - obviously my favorite pasttime...

I can get by dealing with these idiots by clammering off the standard office chat.. stick to talking about obvious, unintellectual current events (tom cruise, london bombings / terrorism, and hockey strike are your bread and butter right now). Always refer to the weekend and/or the end of the day in every possible sentance.

"Can't wait for this day to be over!"

"Really? Me too! Lets talk about the day being over together!"

"Yes, working sucks, I can't wait for the weekend"

"No kidding, I cannot wait untill the weekend either"

"High five, can we talk about this everyday?"

And so on. Its easy, and mind numbing enough that you can actually stand it, like a sedative.

Just don't try and talk about something you actually care about, it will lead no where and everyone will think you are insane. Just blend in, nod, smile, say hi and talk generic monkey talk. People will start to love you - the guy that always has something to talk about and is so friendly. Everyone will collectively want to bone you, and you will be able to do no wrong, just for spouting useless info that is totally unnecessary.

I guess its just me though. Maybe I'm the minority. I'm just not an outgoing / talk about every useless thing type of guy. Some people are, maybe they fit in here, maybe they are the majority and this lifestyle is efficient.

But it is safe to say that office work is about the last thing I'll be doing in a year from now... or ever again.

Addictions

If there is one thing I am good at it is addictions... and they say you should write about what you are good at.

I would imagine a good majority of the population has never actually been addicted to anything. They can't fathom what it is like to be addicted to something. They feel sorry for those who are addicted and try and get their loved ones to stop what they are doing. But one thing about being addicted to something that others will never be able to understand is that they truly enjoy what they are doing. I have a strong belief in the general economic assumption that everyone is a rational maximizer - that is to say that everyone rationally makes decisions that best maximizes their utility or enjoyment - no one makes themselves miserable on purpose (unless they derive pleasure from misery).

Being addicted to something is simply saying that there is nothing else that their time can be better spent on. Whether or not what they are doing is "healthy" is irrelavant. If someone tells them their addiction is unhealthy - the addicted simply says to themselves - "they just don't understand".

Now, I've never been addicted to anything classically destructive - but I cannot think of a time in my life where I havn't been addicted to something. I do everything to the extreme. In my mind, there is no need to dip your feet in anything you do, you should always get the most out of it by immersing your entire being into it.

The major addictions that have afflicted me have generally been digital in nature - from the internet, video games (everquest, world of warcraft, goldeneye) to poker (currently addicted to). For a while I was even addicted to playing guitar. But no matter the affliction - there are always the naysayers - especially now with poker. I can understand their posistion - they don't want me "wasting" my life by not doing what they deem is socially accepted. It is very hard to justify my position to my friends... but why should I have to? Almost everything everyone does is pointless.. especially what my friends do. When I am asked why I spend so much time doing one thing, I generally ask - what else is there to do? Most people arn't out there saving the world, so what exactly are they doing that is so much more productive that what I do? Most likely they watch a lot of tv, perhaps read, maybe go out to dinner or a movie.. random useless stuff. Simply because they vary their activities does not mean they have achieved some sort of enlightened status. How about this.. I'll do what I want, and you do what you want, and when we feel like it, we'll do things together - sound good? What an insight...

Simply put I don't think doing one thing in "excess" is necessarily a bad thing. If obtain the most amount of utility from doing it then you can't fault me - it is what gives me the most pleasure. I just wish I wasn't so damn likable that people get pissed off when I don't hang out with them...

New post!

No posts on the blog for a while, I know...

I just can't do two things at once..

Poker has taken over my life.. but I have a blog post in mind.. just posting this to remind myself to do it when I have time.

So keep refreshing every 5 seconds and don't leave your house until I do it.

Quick Vids

Here is a pretty funny and true followup vid for my poker article

Unbelievable prank vid.. seriously had to be a thousand to one shot for that to happen

I love flash cartoons, I spend hours a day watching them.

• This one is really well done and hilarious
• Another flash done by the same authors. At first I found it annoying but after watching it again I couldn't stop laughing (only funny if you've seen the classic "All your base" flash).
  
• Burnt Face Man: Episode 2. My favorite cartoon series (I am not gay! I have a calender with naked ladies at home!)
  
• Here is another flash done by David Firth, creator of Salad Fingers and Burnt Face man. This guy really is talented

While not a video or cartoon, this sound bite is interesting. Its a stolen message left by Lindsay Lohan on Paris Hilton's cell phone.

Poker in the rear

So I've recently been playing a lot of Texas Hold'Em poker with friends and on-line - typical male university thing to do I know.

To me the game is the perfect pasttime. You can play with friends with just a deck of cards and some makeshift chips. With just a 5 dollar investment each it will give you two hours of enjoyment with your friends with a chance at a decent payoff.

The game is also great because its not purely luck, not purely skill. A skillful player will certainly win in the long run, but in each game, anyone can luckily pick up a crazy hand on the river, which can throw the game into complete disarray. But being skillful will give you a distinct advantage. Personally I prefer Texas hold'em to other forms of poker because you can really use some mathematical probability to help you out, which is great. Any time I'm able to use probability and statistics in real life I get a massive boner for some reason.

So driving home today - as I often do when driving - I started contemplating the greater meanings of my life; in this case poker and what the popularity of poker has to say about society in general.

I hope this makes as much sense as it did driving home, but it seems to me that poker is a fantastic microcosm of life.

*puts on philisophical hippy face*

What is life but a game of people trying to receive the most chips?

Everyone is dealt cards, sometimes good, sometimes bad, but no matter what cards you are dealt you are forced to deal with them. Sure some people are luckier than others, but in the long run, it is how you deal with what cards are dealt that determines your sucess.

Sometimes in life you have to bluff or deal with people who may be bluffing. The frequency in bluffs is positively related with how often you are caught, no matter how good you are. As ol honest Abe said, "you can fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all of the time; but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time". Bluffing (read: lying) is a part of life. Its an important tool to use in life and poker, as when used effectively you can achieve more than you could have without it.

I would say you can tell everything you need to know about a person by the way they play poker. Poker is not mechanical like blackjack. There is no dominant strategy. Unpredictability is the only thing that counts, and in life I feel this is true. Look at poker chips as "happiness" or "utility" chips in life. Everyone is trying to maximize happiness (poker chips) in the long run, and sometimes you have to lose in the short run to realize the long run gains. Poker perfectly illustrates this battle of wits in a short period of time.

Anyways I could go on all day with analogies but I think I see why poker has been a staple of entertainment throughout the ages. If anyone wants to sign up for online poker, do it at Bet'Holdem and I can get you and myself a $50 bonus (just tell me if you do so I can officially invite you).

Off to play I go.

Virtual high schools?

A "virtual" high school in Wisconsin has received a flood of applications recently. By virtual they mean that most of the classes are done through correspondence through the web (not robot teachers).

While I'm all for efficiency in all aspects of life, I think education is one place where the efficiency needs to be toned down.

The times I had in my high school were the best of my life, for many reasons. I met all my long term friends there, and still enjoy seeing the people I went there with on a regular basis. Its amazing that I used to be in classes where I was friends with everyone, and now in university its the exact opposite. The internet is an amazing source of information, but there is something to be said about the value of human interaction.

The school has extracurricular programs and such, but what motivation do these kids have to even leave the house? I'm living proof that a life sustained by the internet is an unhealthy life. I couldn't imagine living this way throughout my high school life. When you are in high school you don't really know whats going on in the outside world, and sheltering these kids from that world even more can't be a good thing.

In my 4 years of university I've longed for the intimacy and comfort I had in high school. I've only met one professor that I can identify with and respect, where virtually all my high school teachers had at least one redeeming quality, and many I still think about today. I've relied too much on the internet for lecture notes and readings that I've found it increasingly pointless to attend class. I want more than just a degree from my education, and in hindsight I would have gotten more involved earlier, but the good thing about high school is that they force you to interact and get involved. Even if you join no clubs, teams or events you still feel apart of the school, where I feel like I'm going to work sometimes when I goto university classes.

I hope this isn't one of those things that I'll complain about in my senior years once all classes are through the internet and I'll start using the "in my day" phrase.

Emo kids need to wake the fuck up

Ok, so Emo kids are an easy target. But I don’t hate them because they cry themselves to sleep, write poetry, look like this or make out with members of their own sex*.

I hate them because they are clueless, vapid, impressionable idiots who pretend they are the exact opposite.

Case in point – the infamous “emo” glasses

Ever talked to someone wearing these who wasn’t a condescending, naïve, pseudo-intellect?

I went to the Taste of Chaos tour concert last night. The bands were predictably average (only band that didn’t suck happened to be the only non emo band – Killswitch Engage) but the best part of the show was definitely watching all the little 14-18 year old emo kids acting emo.

Their main goal in life is to express how different and special they are to the rest of the world – and seeing them all together brought an ironic grin to my face. It must be shattering to their little emotional hearts that they are no different than the rest of the thousands of kids there, who are now faced with the realization that they aren’t the only one who stole their personalities from a “Get up kids” CD cover. Don’t worry though, they are all just posers, and you are truly a tortured unique soul.

But I can get over their looks, I too have fallen victim to conformity in high school. It’s their attitude which is more disturbing.

The whole “tortured soul” thing is truly pathetic. The best part is the emo bands capitalize on their emotions. At one point “My Chemical Romance” was up on stage yelling out clichéd slogans such as “you cannot destroy me” and “if you disagree with what I’m saying then fuck you!” and the kids were just eating it up.

Emo kids – you aren’t tortured. Look where the fuck you are! Your parents drove you downtown for the show, paid for your tickets, clothing, emo accessories and gave you spending money. You are living in London, Ontario for fucks sakes, what are you crying about really? If you lost your boyfriend/girlfriend, go get a new one. If you couldn’t get that job, or you failed a test, try harder next time. How about if you woke up tomorrow without running water, clothing, fly repellant and AIDS infested? Everyone has problems to deal with, you are not a special or unique snow-flake.


If after reading this you are interested in becoming emo - I have provided some links will help you on your worthwhile journey.

- Instructional Video on how to become emo
- How to dress emo! - for boys and girls


*(Despite what you may think, I’m all for these sensitive tortured souls entering the realms of homosexuality. After all there will be less of their strand a generation from now).

Life is boring when you are lazy

I can see it now.

I can see my life heading down that path - that clichéd overtold life story that 35 year old men talk about on a daily basis. One where they regret everything they've done, hate their shitty job, family and wonder what happened.

Granted these men have less human capital than the average AIDS ridden Somalian, but their story has some redeeming qualities we can learn from.

How to avoid the downward spiral that is life?

It starts when you are 10 years old and you get the pleasure of receiving an allowance if you do your chores - your first responsibility. As responsibilities increase, enjoyment of life decreases, but there are ways to minimize these losses.

This is there the 35 year old loser fails, and I hope to win - because I can see my path. I can see myself going down that path just as easily as they did.

You just have to accept the fact that life isn't going to be as fun as it was 5 years ago, no matter what age you are. When I was 19, I still didn't care about much. I went out drinking 3 times a week or more, spent whatever money I had and lived my life day to day. Now, just 5 years later I'm planning for the future, saving money and only drinking maybe once a week. Some would call me pathetic, but I'm just trying to maximize my future and current happiness. Yes I know thinking about the future really sucks, and is hard to perceive the long term benefits but even a short-term maximizer like myself can realize that some planning must be done.

Which brings me to my newest shitty life problem that I have to deal with.

Last week I got fired from a part time job I've had for 5 years. Now its not the end of the world, I'll easily get another job, but now I'm stuck with the problem of figuring out what to do every day. I'm still in school so I'm not going to get another job untill I'm done, which leaves me with a ton of spare time that used to be taken up by working. Now being the lazy piece of shit that I am I've spent all my days since the incident doing absolutely jack shit nothing. This blog update is the sum of my production for 1 week. I always envisioned that if I won the lottery I would quit my job and do nothing. Turns out nothing isn't all it was cracked up to be. I sleep for 12 hours a day now, getting up only because it litterally becomes uncomfortable to stay in bed. I check the internet, read a ton of useless shit, maybe play guitar and some video games then goto bed... . Within a week I've defined what a meaningless life consists of and I can see how this can effect people. Most losers in life let these situations effect them negatively and have trouble regaining motivation to get back on track. Now I may be an unmotivated sack of shit, but I can still see my future. I know exactly what I need to do to get the life I want, so I'm not worried. I can waste a few months and still be A OK since a few months is meaningless - life is fucking long.

Anyways I have an exciting weekend of jacking off and internet surfing to plan for, so I'll end it here, maybe I'll actually eat today.

Is differentiating yourself important?

If it is, how do you show that you are different than someone else?

Often times I observe human behavior to be fairly homogenous in nature and immediately identify similar traits in people. Generally I put myself in a completely different category than most people as I have never seen anyone with the same traits as mine. But how do others view themselves in comparison to how they view others? I mean, how I act in public rarely reflects what is truly going on in my head, I can only assume the same for others. From an outsider’s perspective, I’m the same as everyone else my age. The people I hang around, the music we listen to, the language we speak, it’s all pretty similar, and our conversations are all comprised of items of like interest between us. Yet I can assure you that I, as well as my friends are truly much different from each other.

When at a bar, all I can see are hoes and assholes. I’m usually sickened by the saturation of them, and usually end up avoiding contact and continue drinking with my friends. But I know they can’t all be hoes and assholes, and probably are a lot different from each other, it’s just hard to detect when the only sources of input are my (usually inebriated) senses.

Perhaps I need to be less cynical about people and take some time to try and understand what they are all about. But with any given amount of time, you can only learn so much. Hell I struggle with my own self on a day to day basis, and can honestly say I’ve never been 100% honest with even my best of friends or even myself sometimes. But I must say I’ve learned a lot about myself (or at least taught myself) by just talking to people and sharing ideas. Sure, 99% of the time I think they are complete idiots, but it is still a helpful learning process. While brutal honesty with others is technically an option (and would consequently help you differentiate yourself), in order to optimize your happiness in life some things are generally best left unsaid. Damn I hate social consequences.

World of Warcraft owns me

So I started this blog with all the intentions of updating it often and low and behold, I completely reneged on the mental contract I made with myself... how typical of me....

But its not my fault!

Nothing ever is..

I was helplessly addicted to World of Warcraft, a video game designed to physically suck all remaining life out of its players untill they only have the video game left to occupy their time.

If I was American I could probabbly sue Blizzard, the company that makes the game, for creating an addicting game that has destroyed my life for the past 2 months. Don't worry, someone will try to sue.

So I'll be back more regularily.. untill the next distraction comes around.

Why do male porn stars get all the chicks?

Alright stop... pajama time!

Yep its still funny...

Alright, I'm beginning to really like writing in this blog, now that I've gotten some feedback and all. I'm not afraid to admit it, I'm excited that people have read this, even if its just two people. So I'll be updating it at least weekly, so come back if its been interesting for you.

This site has its own spell check, it didn't know what the word "blog" meant. Ok.

Keep an ear out for a song I'm recording, its sounding pretty sweet. I'll have it posted some time in my lifetime.

I have the most insightful thoughts when I'm either, going to bed, driving, or at school. I never write these down, and I probably should as to me, I sound like a fucking genius when I'm thinking them. But right now I'm pretty dry, so heres whats been taking up my attention in the world of the internet.

Burnt Face Man - the kind of humor I like to see in flash cartoons. Am I a crime-inal?

Milkman - the kind of fucking crazy ass shit I like to see in a flash cartoon. The music kicks ass.

Dr. Bob saves the day! - another wickedly funny flash cartoon, this one done with claymation.

IQ Correlation from the 2004 US Election - Pretty wierd coincidence in the relation of IQ to what people vote for. Doesn't really say much as IQ isn't that effective in measuring intelligence, but nonetheless an interesting relationship.

Fun for the whole Klan! - there isn't anything funnier than the KKK

Man Kills Himself at Ground-Zero - over election - Story from cnn. I guess if you are going to kill yourself, you may as well make cnn. I mean, anyone who commits suicide is probably already an embarrassment to their family, why not embarrass them on a national level.

Alright stop... pajama time

My roommates are fucking pathetic.

Ok, so Eminem released his new album today, which is good because Eminem is wicked. So my roommate downloaded it, and I awoke to it this morning. He played the first 4 songs off the album and is now proclaiming how amazing the album is. How can you judge an album from the first four songs, the first time you hear it? My roommate knows how.

He needs this. He knows that Eminem is “cool” and even though I’ve never heard him listen to him before, he knows that if he tells people the album is “amazing” before most people have even had a chance to listen to it, he will become “cool” in their minds. This is his window of opportunity to prove to people how “cool” he really is. Look at me, I got the album before you AND have judged it to be amazing (after 4 songs), I am pretty sure this will impress you as most people our age like Eminem, and even though I don’t, I’ll pretend to so we can have this meaningless 2 minute conversation about it, which will make me a better person for knowing something you don’t.

Listening to cool music makes you cool - Maddox

This is what my roommates do all the time. They only talk about what others want to hear. They will change their entire personality based on whomever they are talking to – especially girls. They will do anything for a girl. Not even a girl they like, just any vagina.

Now I can appreciate the “any vagina” theory when at a bar, but when it comes to some sort of sober relationship, you should at least like the person. Having a girlfriend doesn’t make you a better person. You don’t have to validate your existence by having a girlfriend. Your girlfriend is fat, ugly, annoying and has no personality. Just because you can have sex with her does not mean you should compromise your whole self to maintain it.

But they need it. It’s just a character flaw I suppose. When they have a girlfriend they are bubbling with confidence. They think that I’m really impressed that they have one, and that I should be envious of them for some reason. They exist to make themselves feel better by comparison. I guess that is true for most people, but their comparison is way out of whack. If you have to sacrifice your entire personality and lifestyle to obtain a girlfriend than go for it. If she can’t see your real self whittling away while you suppress it, then she must be your dream girl. You’ve tricked her into liking the image you have created, good luck on keeping that up for your entire life. Keep trying to impress me with meaningless shit, and keep suppressing your desires to make yourself feel better.

I just had an MSN conversation with my roommate while I was writing this.

Roommate:
Omg this album fuckin rocks I can’t believe it!

Me:
Congrats

Truth

Truth

There are two things I’d like to say about truth.

1. There is a universal truth to most things in life
2. You probably aren’t going to realize it

My favorite show, “Bullshit”, hosted by Penn and Teller is probably one of the best shows in history for exposing truth.

Here is an example

Bottled water. Remember the first time you heard about bottled water, and how fucking ridiculous that sounded to you? Bottled… water? What the fuck you said to yourself. But then the marketing machine took over. They convinced us that our tap water wasn’t clean - that it is full of contaminates. The convinced us that bottled water tasted better. For the first few years, people still saw through the bullshit, but eventually it took over. Now you can’t go to a university classroom without 75% of the stuck up bitches having a bottle of water on their desk. You’ve now probably purchased at least one bottle of waters in your life, if not hundreds. Now, what does this have to do with anything?

Truth. The truth is, that bottled water is a scam! We knew this 15 years ago, yet let the bottled water companies brainwash us. Tap water has been proven to be as sanitary as bottled water, as well as passing the “taste test”. Penn and Teller have a show devoted to this phenomenon, but the fact is, nothings going to change.

Truth is an absolute. There is no debating what truth is. If there is a truth to something, there is only one possible outcome. Bottled water’s truth is that it’s a complete scam. But the reason we’ll never see the end of it is because there are a lot more people with something to lose if the truth was (re)discovered, than there are of people to gain. Who would gain from the elimination of all bottled water companies? It would be hard to pinpoint, but certainly society on a whole would be better, as there would be less money wasted, and the environment would also be better, as there would be less wasted plastic bottles. But the bottled water companies would go tits up, and there would be a lot of visual, obvious loss on the part of the owners and workers. If a economic study was ever done that proved outright that having bottled water was more detrimental to society than it was beneficial, nothing still would be done because the companies would fight against this, and it would disappear overnight. The only way it could happen is if collectively, society woke up and realized that the study is right, and all got together and fought the bottled water companies. Of course this would never happen, hence bottled water is here to stay.

This is one example of truth. But on a much larger scale, truth isn’t something that is so trivial. There is a truth about everything. There is one answer to everything, even subjective things.

What is the best form of government?
Who would make the best president?
Which religion is right?

All these questions have an answer. One answer. How to obtain that answer is another thing, but the fact is that there can only be one possibility.

Too many people have too much to lose if people found out about certain truths. Certainly some people can know about them, but the marketing machines keep this knowledge to a minimum. By brainwashing and keeping the society ignorant, they can continue making themselves better off. The less you know about something, the more someone can exploit you. Overall, it’s inefficient. Finding out the truth should be the sole purpose of our existence, but because personal gain gets in the way, we will never have an honest, or efficient society.

Once you realize this, it is now your only real choice to find your own truth, skew it, and exploit people’s ignorance about it. You’ll make a fortune if you find the right one. Bottled water isn’t a bad start.

Responsibility

I hate people.

All people.

You know why?

Because no one takes responsibility for anything - ever.

When someone is an alcoholic, they claim that alcoholism is a disease and that they were helplessly affected by it.

Hey guess what asshole? It was your fucking choice to drink. Try telling a cancer patient that alcoholism is a disease. If you are an alcoholic, stop fucking drinking. Its not beyond your control, and it IS your fault.

Why can’t people understand this?

If you are poor, and you stay poor, it is your fault. The government isn’t holding you down, society isn’t holding you down, it’s just you. Go out there and make some money. Go fucking shine shoes and deliver papers. You are making the choice to be poor, you are not a victim of your circumstances. If you were determined enough, you can turn it around. Work 20 hour days, get up, do something.

Everything you do is your fault. You have the power to prevent almost everything that can happen to you. There is no fate, there are no invisible forces guiding you. Its you, making a decision based on your rationale which is derived from your past experience. Even if you have a fucked up rationale, its still your conscious choice. The only reason you don’t do something is because you figure its going to cost too much time, effort or money to do it, not because you just can’t.

You got hit by a car? Well you could have prevented it by not being there in the first place. You burned yourself by spilling hot coffee on your pants while driving? How about, not drinking the burning hot coffee while driving?

Of course, people have adapted this attitude of “not my fault” because the legal system has allowed it, especially in the U.S. Nothing is your fault in the U.S. You fell on the sidewalk? Sue your city government for not having railings for you. I mean, you can go through life blaming misfortune you have on someone else and get away with it. Doesn’t personal responsibility and choice come into play here?

Certainly there are sensible laws in place protecting innocent people from getting fucked over, but there is always incentive to abuse the system.

It bothers me because I can go beyond the selfish thought process of most humans and actually admit to making mistakes, and taking responsibility for my actions, when I know damn well that I could get away with blaming someone else and it being perfectly acceptable. So many people are ignorant to this fact that their abuse has led to a failure in the system.

Stop blaming someone else for your mistakes and short comings. Get a spine and realize that you can change, and maybe then you will.

Internet is such a waste of time...

But what could I do without it?

During the last few weeks I've started to realize that I've been developing this little annoying pattern of internet useage.

Lets call it, "the neverending waste of time".

Each day in my life consists of two things, either going to work or going to school. When I am not at either, I'm always on the computer. About the only thing I don't do within 5 feet of my computer is take a shit, and if I could, I would. Call me pathetic, but its what I find most enjoyable, and if you are actually taking the time to read my blog, or any blog for that matter, I would assume you are in a similar boat - the internet junkie.

Anyways back to my pattern. So each time I sit down I read a few forums, watch a few videos, start downloading some pr0n or music, check out some news sites, then I go back to the forums I originally read, start reading new posts, then watch some more videos, find some more pr0n or music to download, check out some more news sites and then go back to the forums. Its a never ending cycle that I could literally do for eternity. If I didn't have any responsibilities, thats what I would do, as it just traps me in. Somedays I wake up at 10am, start checkin espn.com, and the cycle starts. Before you know it its a week later and I'm still on espn.com after the 82nd refresh. I need help.

So thats my life. Some of you will feel better about yourself by knowing that someone is more pathetic than you, and others will identify with my plight, either way, I'm glad we made a connection today.

Some sites to add to your cycle:

Ebaum's World - Weekly updated humor site which posts the latest videos, pictures and flash games which you should check out. Check the archives for the real good shit.

Kontraband.com - Similar site to Ebaum's. Movies, flashes and shit. My personal favorite Fat kid getting shot by a gun.

Fark.com - The ultimate time waster. If you have an hour to kill, go here. Highlights the most rediculous news stories of the day.

Newgrounds.com - great site for flash animations, some high quality shit on there. Dad's home is my current favorite.

Stileproject.com - sort of like Ebaum's world, but a lot more hardcore. This is what I consider to be the first site of its kind, a site with crazy videos on it. He doesn't update as much, but if you can sift through the porn adds, there is some seriously fucked up shit on there.

Maddox - The pioneer of all blogs. No self respecting angst ridden internet junkie can do without it.

Bill Simmons - The ultimate sports writer. Posts frequently and has a wicked sense of humour as well as knowledge.

Suprnova.org - the ultimate source for bit torrents. If you need music, movies, tv shows, software, or anything else electronic, this is the place to go.

Sup

So why did I create this blog?

I know, bloggers are a dime a dozen and mostly just egotistical, self centered bitches, with too much spare time and nothing interesting to say.

So why read this?

Maybe I think that what I have to say is important. Is it egotistical to believe what you have to say is important and should be heard by others? I have a critical thought process, and am obsessively rational. Everything I've heard in my life I have challenged in my mind. Rarely will something be said which I believe right away. You have to think this way in order to be able to decipher the truth from bullshit. I know that what I have to say makes more sense than most things you will read, and if that makes me egotistical, then so be it.

Additionally this will be a good source of entertainment, from random things I find either hilarious or interesting - there will be fuckin great links that will make you wonder how you ever managed to get by without them before.

I'm an internet junkie. I've seen everything there is on the internet up to this date. If you think I havn't seen funny video A or hilarious pic B, then you are wrong. Let me be your guide - I practically invented the internet.

I promise that this blog will not be like this piece of shit blog. It pains me to read that. Typical retard blog, which is why I was hesitant to make this in the first place, but whats the harm? If it sucks, no big deal. One thing I promise is to never use the term LOL unless its absolutely necessary.

And I'm sorry for having to use this ghetto blog service to make this but I really can't program html for shit and it will end up looking worse than maddox.

In the end I just want this blog as an outlet for my thousands of random thoughts a day. Maybe someone will see them and think they are funny, interesting or smart and be able to do something with them that I couldn't LOL!

Enjoy, the web log of RikkiDee...